Crime doesn't pay
by real elmo
Summary: Short on cash for his evil deeds, Slade is forced to get parttime jobs but keeps getting fired. Plz give reviews. i love them. Chapter 3 is by far the funniest.
1. Chapter 1

**I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS.**

**I DO OWN THE PLOT OF THIS STORY.**

**(NOTE: THIS IS DEDICATED TO (for some strange reason) RYAN. WHY…I DON'T KNOW.)**

**CRIME DOESN'T PAY.**

Mr. James looked down on the job application form intently. He was very impressed.

"Well Mr. Wilson."

"Please, call me Slade."

"Um, okay. Well…Slade. I have to say that this is very impressing. Several years in the army. Above average physical and mental status. Military styled organizational skills. You are more then overly qualified for a shopping centre aisle cleaner."

The words burnt through Slade's ears. He couldn't believe he had come this low. Because of the expenses of trying to kill the Titans and running a robot army, Slade was in debt and needed money badly. He needed a part time job so that he could both have money, and still have time to try and kill the Titans.

"There's just one problem." Mr. James said, catching Slade's attention. "Do you see this part that says hobbies and interests?

"Yes, what about it?"

"Well its says: 'I enjoy making robot armies, weaponry, combat, killing the Titans, trying to bring the world to its knees, and making small ships in a bottle'."

"Yes. I was a bit worried you might have something against that."

"It would damage the image of my shopping centre. You do know that what you're doing is wrong."

"Yes I do. But I can't help it. I enjoy making small ships in bottles. I mean I know the 'small-ships-in-a-bottle' factories create an awful amount of pollution, but when I'm bored or angry, I have nothing else to do."

"I was talking about the world domination thing."

"Oh, that. Well are you really going to let a small thing like that stand in the way of hiring someone like me?"

A FEW DAYS LATER… 

In the half full shopping centre, when shoppers look for the best bargains, a small crash could be heard.

_CRASH._

The speakers crackled as the announcer came on.

"Clean up in aisle 6. Slade. Clean up in aisle 6."

Slade dragged the bucket and mop unhappily. A few days ago he was the most feared man ever. And now he was cleaning up the mess of 'butter-fingers' who couldn't hold on to glass jars for their life. As Slade mopped away at the pickle vinegar stain splattered on the floor, he noticed a small boy staying at him while he was eating a chocolate ice cream.

"I swear if that child drips a single bit of the chocolate on the floor, I'll kill him." Slade muttered to himself, thinking about how hard chocolate stains are to get rid of.

As he was thinking dark torturous thoughts, Slade heard a crash from the next aisle.

"Clean up in aisle 7. Slade. Clean up in aisle 7."

Slade dragged himself to the next aisle, still staring at the little boy eating the ice cream, hoping he wouldn't drop it.

_CRASH._

"Clean up in aisle 8. Slade. Clean up in aisle 8."

"_You've got to be kidding me._" Slade thought.

And as soon as he as he got to aisle eight, several more crashes could be heard.

_CRASH. CRASH. CRASH. CRASH._

"Clean up in aisle 9,10, 11, and 12. Slade. Clean up in aisle 9,10,11, and 12."

Slade had enough of this. He decided to go straight to aisle thirteen and stop this clumsy shopper there. As he walked on, he could still see the little boy licking away at his ice cream. Slade was beginning to get irritated. When Slade finally got to the aisle, he was greeted with some familiar faces.

"Yo, grass stain. Do we need any of this stuff?" Cyborg said while holding a box of chocolate laxative to Beast Boy, who was sitting in the trolley.

"The real question is, don't we need that stuff?" Beast Boy said as he grasped the box out of Cyborg's hand.

"Alright lets go." Cyborg said, quickly pushing the trolley and accidentally knocking down some jars from the shelves.

"Keep going man before someone see us." Beast Boy, cheering Cyborg on as they made their escape to the next aisle, not noticing Slade.

Slade only let out a sigh. Even when he was trying to make an innocent living, the Titans seemed to disturb him. And to Slade's anger, as he mopped away at the mess that he witnessed, he heard more crashes and the voice of Beast Boy saying, "Crap. Keep moving. No one will notice if that's missing", "That'll wash right out", and "So. How long would you think it would take them to find another one of those things?".

Slade was at boiling point. But it wasn't the Titans who pushed him over the edge. It was the little boy who was following him. As Slade turned around to go to the next aisle, he saw one tiny drop of the chocolate ice cream hit the ground. You can only guess what happened next.

**WHAT DO YOU THINK SO FOR…..PLEASE GIVE REVIEWS…..?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS.**

**I DO OWN THE PLOT OF THIS STORY.**

**(NOTE: THIS IS DEDICATED TO (for some strange reason) RYAN. WHY…I DON'T KNOW.)**

**CRIME DOESN'T PAY.**

Cindy's candy shop was found on the corner of the main street in the city. It was easy to see it from afar since it was multi colored and had a giant happy smiling lollipop on the roof holding up the name of the shop. Slade hated seeing the smiling lollipop. It mad him sick. But he swallowed his pride and went to the shop to do his job.

Cindy was only the owner of the shop. She made Slade the actually clerk. The upside to this was more money. The downside was frontal approach to children who wanted to stuff themselves with candy.

Slade stood behind the counter, waiting for the fat children to come waddling from school hungry for disgusting fattening crap.

As the door open, Slade stood upright; ready to make the most of the pain he had to go through.

Ironically, it was the little boy from the store where Slade use to work. Only this time he had a broken arm and a cut on his forehead. The little boy was in shock when he saw Slade behind the counter.

"Hello there, little boy. What yummy sweets would you like today?" Slade asked politely.

The little boy went screaming outside. If Cindy were there she would know that the part of Slade job application form that said "Good with kids", would have been a lie.

Not long after the little boy went running out screaming that the door reopened, and Starfire came in. She had a bit of a sweet tooth for human candy, and often came to that shop.

"Hello Miss. How can I help you today?" Slade asked kindly.

"I would like to purchase those candies at the shelf of the top." She said pointing to the top.

Slade sighed and began to climb. When he finally got the jar, he noticed the name; "Chewy-chewy-chew-sums".

"Okay how many Chewy-chewy-chew-sums would you like?"

"Oh. I am sorry. I thought they were the candies known as 'Sour-sour-sour-drops'. I would like those please."

Slade climbed up to the top shelf to put back the Chewy-chewy-chew-sums and retrieved the Sour-sour-sour-drops.

"So, how many?"

"One please."

Slade paused for a second.

"Only one single drop."

"Yes please."

"Here you go." He said putting one sour-sour-sour-drop into Starfire's hand.

"Can you please put it in a bag for me."

Slade wanted to strangle Starfire. But since he needed the money, he politely got a bag for the one sour-sour-sour-drop.

"Anything else Miss."

"Yes. May I please have some of the candies known as Chewy-chewy-chew-sums?"

Slade just looked at her.

"_You've got to be kidding me._" He thought to himself. "How many?" He asked aloud.

"One Please. Oh, and can you put it into a separate bag."

Slade had enough. In anger he started throwing the jars of candies at Starfire, but accidentally hit the little boy with the broken arm, who had reentered the store, determined to buy some candy. And sadly, Cindy had just entered the store to witness this.

**WHAT DO YOU THINK……GIVE REVIEWS…..I LOVE READING THEM….THEY'RE MAD…?**


	3. Chapter 3

**I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS.**

**I DO OWN THE PLOT OF THIS STORY.**

**(NOTE: THIS IS DEDICATED TO (for some strange reason) RYAN. WHY…I DON'T KNOW.)**

**CRIME DOESN'T PAY.**

Jonathan was celebrating his fifth birthday today. This week wasn't a fairly good week for him. He had been attacked be Slade twice, and as a result he broke his arm and been hit in the head with a candy jar. But still Jonathan's mother was determined to cheer him up. So, for his birthday, she hired a clown to come and entertain Jonathan and his friends.

The doorbell rang and Jonathan's mother answered it.

"Kids, say hello to 'Slade-O the Clown'."

The kids gave a small cheer as Slade, hidden in a clown costume and a red nose, entered the room.

"Hey kids. I'm Slade-O the clown. What would you like to see first?"

"Magic" they all cheered.

"Okay. How about I disappear into the kitchen, get a sandwich and you lot just do something kid like."

"No! Magic!" The children roared.

"How about I do something else?" Slade-O said, not knowing how to entertain children.

"Balloon animals." The children said together.

"_What a waste of my talent._" Slade-O thought.

"Alright what do you want? A Siberian snow leopard, a central African lioness, a north-east Polish wolf."

"A snake." One unimaginative child said.

Slade-O blew a narrow balloon and threw it at the child.

"Okay, any less retarded requests."

"A worm." A small little girl said.

"You can share with the snake boy over there."

While Slade-O was blowing balloon animals, Jonathan couldn't help but think he's met this clown before. The voice, the one eye mask, and the body seemed familiar, but the red nose had him baffled.

After a while the children requested a puppet show. And after a few moments getting prepared, Slade-O was ready.

The curtains of the small box theatre pulled back and revealed puppet version of the Titans.

"Hi. I'm Robin. And I'm a fag. I act really cool, but I come into your bedrooms in the night and fiddle with you." Puppet Robin said.

"Hi, I'm Cyborg. And I'm a half-human-half-robot freak of nature. And I enjoy giving head to Robin." Puppet Cyborg said.

"Look at me. I'm a green freak who LOVES to suck off Robin, Cyborg, and myself at the same time." Puppet Beast Boy said.

"I'm Raven. While meditating, I give head to anything and everything. I'm a huge slut and also the daughter of Trigon." Puppet Raven said.

"And I'm Starfire. The biggest slut in the universe. Watch this cool trick kids." Puppet Starfire said.

The children watched in terror as Slade-O put on a very graphic puppet show. Then a puppet version of Slade came in. At this point, puppet Slade pull out a tiny puppet gun and killed all the puppet Titans. The kids were in shock. And Slade-O was still behind the box theatre.

"_Why aren't they clapping? I thought that was pretty good._" Slade-O thought to himself.

**PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, GIVE REVIEWS……I LOVE THEM….? **


	4. Chapter 4

**I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS.**

**I DO OWN THE PLOT OF THIS STORY.**

**(NOTE: THIS IS DEDICATED TO (for some strange reason) RYAN. WHY…I DON'T KNOW.)**

**CRIME DOESN'T PAY.**

As Robin walked around the tower, he noticed that the windows were a bit filthy. He would have to get someone to clean them. Thankfully Robin knew the number for window cleaners who specialized in cleaning windows as big as the ones that Titans had. Half an hour later, the doorbell rang. It was Raven who answered the door and was shocked to see Slade standing there with a bucket of soapy water, a sponge, a wiper, a cloth, and a special pulley system so that he could wash the windows from the outside.

"Good afternoon Miss. I'm here about your windows."

Even with her ability to hide her emotions she still found it hard not to crack a smile.

"Yeah…they're up stairs…um…no offense, but you know this is basically rock bottom for you."

"How the mighty have fallen. I know this has got to be amusing but I'm just here to do my job. I wash your windows, you pay me, I leave, and then we'll all be happy okay." Slade said realizing that Raven was right. This is pitiful.

And as the day dragged on it didn't get any easier. The occasionally snigger and giggle of the Titans, mainly Beast Boy and Cyborg, as they passed by Slade while he was washing, put him off. And at one part of the day he was totally embarrassed. He was hanging from a pulley, washing the windows accordingly, when he noticed that they were fogged up with steam. So he cleaned away at them only to find a naked Starfire coming out of the shower. He must be at the bathroom windows. Starfire let out a scream that caused Slade to fall off the pulley.

Eventually, in the late afternoon, Slade had finished washing the windows. He was in the kitchen waiting for Robin to retrieve his payment. Slade hadn't eaten all day and was so hungry. It was then that he caught the scent of something delicious. On a tray, fresh from the oven, were in rows of eight by four, thirty-two mouth watering chocolate cookies. Slade looked around to see if anyone was there. No one was in sight. But he still couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched. But he was too hungry to listen to his instincts. He needed something. And in no time all the cookies were gobbled down. Just then, Slade felt a bit queer. He felt like he had just eaten some spoilt food. He wasted no time in rushing out of the tower.

As soon as he left, Cyborg and Beast Boy, who were hiding behind the kitchen counter, busted out laughing.

"And you asked when are we ever going to need chocolate laxative." Beast Boy said, trying not to slip his sides laughing.

**BACK IN SLADE'S LAIR…**

Slade had a rough week. The only thing he could buy with the money he made was a bottle of beer, a bag of chips, and a lottery ticket. As soon as he got back to his lair, he turned on the television and watched the lottery.

"And those numbers once again for the jackpot of over ten million dollars were…" The announcer said. "18, 4, 23, 24, 12, 6, 9."

Slade glanced down. He couldn't believe his luck.

**PLEASE GIVE YOUR THOUGHTS AND REVIEWS……WAS IT FUNNY, WAST IT STUPID, WAS IT POINTLESS, WAS IT ENTERTAINING, WAS IT BORING, WAS IT EASY TO FOLLOW, WAS IT HARD TO UNDERSTAND, WAS IT TOO LONG, WAS IT TOO SHORT…..PLEASE GIVE A RATING OUT OF TEN…..AND PLEASE GIVE YOUR REVIEWS. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, ESPECIALLY LONG ONES……**


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